I'll Be Watching You

I’ll Be Watching You by Chester D.

WARNING: Hilde bashing.

://zerosys/run/OZIM/gwpilotsIM/file127.exe

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Heero was online late one day, reading about the new OS available for laptops when he was suddenly IMed:

Shinigami666: HELP ME HEERO!!!!!! SHE’S STA:LKING ME!!!!

It was Duo, and unless Heero was greatly mistaken, he sounded as if he were typing the message from a position under the bed or at the top of the curtains. He typed back quickly:

PerfectSoldier01: What’s the matter?

Shinigami666: HILDE!!! SHE’S STALKING ME AND IT”S REALLY REALLY SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!

PerfectSoldier01: I thought you two were friends.

Shinigami666: SHE THINKS WERE MORE THAN THAT AND IT”S CREEPY HEERO!!

PerfectSoldier01: Let your finger up off the shift button, Duo. It’s hurting my eyes.

Shinigami666: sorry

PerfectSoldier01: So what has she done?

Shinigami666: i’m in a private chat with her now. cloak your profile and enter the chat. see how crazy this girl is!! here’s our chat #27183605482616760482

Heero did as he was told, and entered the chat, where he saw Duo’s screen name and what he presumed to be Hilde’s.

DuosGrl2U: how r u doing baby??

Shinigami666: fine

DuosGrl2U: ive been meaning to ask why did you leave all of a sudden

DuosGrl2U: i luv u and i miss u babe

Shinigami666: sorry. i’ve been busy with missions and other important stuff

DuosGrl2U: so your calling me not important

Shinigami666: no, i’m calling you unimportant

Duo waited for a long time for a reply from Hilde. Finally, he got one:

DuosGrl2U: thats ok. cuz every breath you take and every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take I’ll be watching you

Heero and Duo shivered simultaneously as they read that creepy reply. Duo madly typed back:

Shinigami666: what the hell are you talking about?

DuosGrl2U: every single day and every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay I’ll be watching you

Shinigami666: Hilde, i never stayed a night over at your place. i wouldn’t stay there if it was the last place left on earth.

“Creepaziod,” Duo muttered.

DuosGrl2U: your my man duo. your all mine you just don’t know it yet. why did u run away from me

Heero bristled jealously and fought back on the urge to blast into the chat room typing every foul name for a female one could possibly know.

Shinigami666: first of all HILDE, no one owns me, not even you and i ran away from you because i knew you were starting to come onto me and i didn’t want that shit

DuosGrl2U: duo duo. can’t you see you belong to me

Shinigami666: i belong to only one person and i love that person more that you’ll ever know

Heero felt his heart swell with pride and he continued to watch the screen.

DuosGrl2U: how my poor heart aches with every step you take

Shinigami666: if taking a step gets me farther away from you’ll i’ll do it

DuosGrl2U: wheres the love? what happened to it

Shinigami666: there never was a love between us and you know that Hilde. i thought you and I could be friends and then you turn around and start talking crazy shit like this. what’s up with that?

DuosGrl2U: i’ll win u soon duo you wait just remeber that every move you make and every vow you break

every smile you fake, every claim you stake i’ll be watching you

Shinigami666: Hilde if you don’t stop this now i’ll have to do something i might regret

DuosGrl2U: since you’ve gone i’ve been lost without a trace

Shinigami666: get a compass

DuosGrl2U: i dream at night I can only see your face

Shinigami666: take sleeping pills. alot of them

DuosGrl2U: i look around but it’s you I can’t replace

Shinigami666: get a dog

DuosGrl2U: i feel so cold and I long for your embrace

Shinigami666: put on some longjohns

DuosGrl2U: i keep crying baby baby please

There was a pause. Finally, there came a flood of writing. Heero winced from the screen as it read:

Shinigami666: HILDE YOU HAVE COME ONTO ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!! I HOPE YOU DROP DEAD OF ASFIXIA RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!!?!!!? WHY YOU GOT TO SAY YOU’RE GOING TO COME STALK ME AND WE”RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AND ALL THIS SHIT??!!!! AFTER THE WAY I PUT UP WITH YOUR BULL, YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT I DIDN’T KILL YOU BACK IN 195 BUT WHEN YOU STARTED TO HANG AROUND ME ALL THE TIME IT GOT KIND OF AGGRIVATING!!!! SO YES I DID RUN AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE BECOMING TO POSSESSIVE AND YOU TREATED ME LIKE A LITTLE KID!!! I’M A BIG KID NOW AND I DON’T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!! GET OVER IT AND GOODBYE!!

Another pause, longer this time. Heero thought his lover must be quite angry to actually use over twenty six exclamation points in one paragraph. But then again, Duo wasn’t as acutely aware of grammatical errors as was Heero. There came more words:

DuosGrl2U: say what u want. every move you make every step you ta

Shinigami666: DON’T EVEN FUCKING TYPE IT!!!!!

DuosGrl2U: i’ll be watching you

Duo screamed a bloodcurdling cry and at the same time, Heero flew into the chat room with the intent of bestowing some serious bitching on Hilde’s ass.

PerfectSoldier01: Hilde, this is Heero.

DuosGrl2U: this is an A B chat so C your way out

PerfectSoldier01: Not until you quit harassing my boyfriend.

There was, need I say, a long....long pause.

DuosGrl2U: what

PerfectSoldier01: I should have known you couldn’t figure it out. When Duo ran away from you, he came to me. See, I care about people. I don’t treat them like possessions. I treat them like they deserve to be treated, and Duo is my everything. You obviously couldn’t treat him good enough, so he came to me. We’ve been together for a little over a year now, and yes. We both are rather sexually active in our relationship.

If Hilde screamed then, Heero and Duo heard it.

DuosGrl2U: DUO!!!! TELL HIM YOUR NOT LIKE THAT!!! NO WAY IS MY BABY GAY!!!

Shinigami666: i'm gay Hilde. fag, homo, queer, backdoor bandit, the whole butt-fucking 9 yards. and i’m proud.

DuosGrl2U: SO YOU AND HEERO ARE TOGETHER!?!?!?!?!

Shinigami666: yes, and the sex is great. so get another “baby”, okay?

DuosGrl2U: i’ll get u back 4 this duo mark my words. youll be my baby once again some day

Shinigami666: LOL sure. whatever, Hilde

PerfectSoldier01: Why don’t you and Relena get together? I hear she’s going through the same problem.

Duo and Heero both snickered on the opposite sides of the earth.

DuosGrl2U: what?

PerfectSoldier01: You and Relena. You two would be perfect for each other. At least you’ll have a chance with her.

Duo burst out laughing.

“Heero, you sly dog, you!”

DuosGrl2U: r u sure relenas like that?

PerfectSoldier01: Yeah. She told me so. She’s looking for a kind of butch, dykish girl so you’d be a perfect candidate.

DuosGrl2U: whats her email adress?

PerfectSoldier01: princesslonelyhearts@oz-online.net and her screen name is now PrincessZero00.

DuosGrl2U: thanx i’ll talk 2 her about this rumor about you and Duo being together

PerfectSoldier01: It’s no rumor, but go right ahead.

And Hilde signed off. Duo died laughing and typed:

Shinigami666: omg Heero!! that was so great!!

PerfectSoldier01: I wonder what Relena’s going to think.

Shinigami666: she’ll probably start obsessing over Hilde! LOL!!!

PerfectSoldier01: Like I obsess over you?

Shinigami666: that’s the good kind of obsession tho. i can never get enough of your obsession. my obsession for you is pretty strong too

PerfectSoldier01: How much time do we have between missions tonight?

Shinigami666: about 2 hours

PerfectSoldier01: Good. We’ll see who’s obsession is stronger then.

Shinigami666: ..........

Shinigami666: you make me shiver, Heero

PerfectSoldier01: That’s what I like.

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